British music festivals

"V Festival is the festival for people who don't like music but still want to tell people they've been to a festival"

It's the same situation every year, and it goes something like this:

• Festival announces some of the line up

• 70% of the pundits moan ("they're not worthy of a headline spot", "they're not heavy enough", "they headlined about 3 years ago")

• 30% of the pundits rejoice and some will jump to the defence of the announced acts ("if you don't like it, don't go", "they are good live; people will be surprised", "you have no taste so shut up *insert derogatory homophobic slur here*")

I have a few things I want to say about this.

Sometimes I will not get the acts I want at festivals, which is fair enough; what I consider to be dross someone elsewhere will consider the dogs bollocks. However, I am entitled to my opinion if I think the headliners or the other acts are not up to scratch, and I don't think anyone should stand for this "if you don't like it, don't go" bullshit. When I was a teenager I went to V Festival six times because I only lived ten minutes away from the Staffordshire site, so I saw it as my only realistic option to go to a festival since travelling to other festivals was out of the question due to a lack of funds/available transportation. Granted, V Festival doesn't boast the kind of rock bands that I long for, but with its history of acts that it has hosted since its inception in 1996, it has really gone to pot. Some of the old fans of this festival complain that V used to boast the best collection of rock bands, but since then it has turned into a copycat of T4 on the Beach with its mix of chart-humping pop, radio-friendly rock and generic indie tunes.

I mean, look at the trend of recent headliners:

2006: Morrissey, Radiohead

2007: The Killers, Foo Fighters

2008: The Verve, Muse

2009: Oasis (Staffordshire only - in your face Chelmsford!), The Killers

2010: Kasabian, Kings of Leon

2011: Eminem, Arctic Monkeys

2012: The Stone Roses, The Killers

2013: Kings of Leon, Beyonce

2014: Justin Timberlake, The Killers

Now, in my opinion, that looks like a horrible dip in form. Notice how The Killers have been headliners four times in eight years? Are V Festival running out of ideas? And is heavy rock music dying a death at mainstream music festivals? Let's explore further.

This scenario is now a similar sight at Reading and Leeds Festival. Once the cornerstone for the best rock and metal acts around the globe, it has delved into primarily indie and dance territory, although the main stage does have an eclectic display of genres, but mostly hard, earnest rock. Line ups from the noughties couldn't be matched by any other British festival with a healthy mix of rock, mainstream metal and a dash of pop punk; it was a rock fan's wet dream. It was no surprise to see that when 50 Cent sub-headlined in 2004 (playing before Green Day), he was bottled into submission by a crowd who clearly do not stand for straight up gangsta rap... Nowadays if 50 Cent sub-headlined the festival he would most likely be welcomed with open arms. It's safe to say that Eminem headlining in 2013 brought in another breed of people to Reading and Leeds who didn't care about any other act but Eminem; YOLO vests, snapbacks and short-back-and-sides haircuts were everywhere, and it was difficult to enjoy Foals in 2013 when these dickheads are standing at the front waiting for Eminem and making a nuisance of themselves during Foals' set.

There is nothing necessarily wrong with rap music (Eminem was brilliant at Reading), but does it have a place at these sorts of festivals or should it be saved for somewhere where nobody will moan about their inclusion on the line up (Wireless, Bestival)? Is Reading becoming the new V? That's what many pundits have been saying on social media sites after the inclusion of rapper Macklemore as a sub-headliner provided a controversial talking point. After having prestigious acts like metallers System of a Down, dance-rock titans Chase and Status and techno-rock legends Nine Inch Nails sub-headline last year, we now have Vampire Weekend, Jake Bugg and Macklemore/Ryan Lewis sub-headlining this year. Does that put it into enough perspective for you?

Rock isn't dying at festivals though, as there are still many other choices on the smaller stages to enjoy up and coming acts, but it's not them that the customers pay over £200 to see. Even though we don't really like it, Reading and Leeds Festival is a business, and they have jumped on the bandwagons of the revival of EDM and the conception of dubstep, which are "popular" at the moment and will most likely draw in the customers. I guess if you want guaranteed rock and metal, then go to Download or Sonisphere, even though Download now has its critics for turning its head towards a teenage audience, and even with Sonisphere's big names, the somewhat predictable headliners tend to flip flop between Iron Maiden and Metallica.

I'm not here to preach about what acts festivals need to be booking; I am just acknowledging why people feel the need to moan on Facebook and Twitter. It is clear that some festivals are taking a slow turn for the worst with their bookings, but hey, the music is only half of the British music festival experience. Grab a beer and chill, and if you feel like checking out some new music, you might just be enlightened.

Hard Rock Calling

29/06/2013
Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park
London, UK

The stage was set for a glorious day in the capital. An early morning road trip in a Micra with three mates, top notch weather, loud music and some bacon sandwiches. Oh, and some live music to top it off.

The first ever live music event at the Olympic Park had to be a big one, what with the capacity and the grandiose scale of the place. It seemed like the only logical thing to do was to have a massive fuck off rock concert there, so the yearly Hard Rock Calling event was moved from it's other London home at Hyde Park to the Olympic Park.

Arriving just about in one piece after doing battle with Apple Maps and the roads of London, Helios was smiling on us from above, and the gates were opened to the rest of our day. Arriving at the main stage at about 12:30pm to the sludge pop sounds of Nashville residents The Weeks, it was an appropriate soundtrack for the lying down that we were partaking in. The crowd was still unhealthily thin, with about 150 people standing on the concrete near the front to watch the band, whereas the Astro Turf surface behind it was withstanding the backsides of a few thousand. This trend continued into the next act to grace the main stage: Lower Than Atlantis. A rockier serving after the sombre sounds of The Weeks, it gave the crowd the first mosh pit of the day, but with vocalist/guitarist Mike Duce desperately trying to hide his frustration at the lack of crowd interaction based on all the groups sitting on the floor, their enthusiasm about the show seemed a little forced. I might be wrong, but either way, songs like 'Something Better Came Along' meant their melodic rock was a loud wake up call to the crowd at the front to get their asses into gear.

Irish band Kodaline were next, and if ever there was a sign to lie back down and soak up the rays, this was it. This doesn't mean the music was meek and uninteresting, it's just that, as Oliver Butler described it, it was "perfect hangover music".  'Pray' made us sway, and closer 'All I Want' actually made me stand up and listen intently. This is one band I came away from the show thinking "I'll check them out... next time I get a hangover". The crowd suddenly began to grow once Twin Atlantic walked onstage. Touted by many as "the next Biffy Clyro" with their Scottish swagger and their alternative rock crunch, I was all up for this one. Vocalist/guitarist Sam McTrusty could do with some work on his crowd banter, but it didn't detract from the tunes served up, and the mosh pit returned for a more permanent stay. Closer 'Make A Beast Of Myself' whipped the crowd up into a frenzy and the band left the stage as heroes.

Indie rock n'roll maestro Miles Kane got everyone on their feet and bouncing. 'Rearrange' and 'Give Up' were the perfect sounds for a summers evening, and not once did Kane look like he was hanging from his appearances at Glastonbury as himself and with Arctic Monkeys. The crowd bounced around as if the concrete covering the front 20 metres were a trampoline, and there was even time for Kane to dedicate 'Darkness In Our Hearts' to onlookers Peter Crouch and Abbey Clancy. Like a son passing to his father, penultimate act Paul Weller, the Modfather himself, eased the crowd down a bit after the ruckus of Miles Kane. 'That's Entertainment' was a wonderful acoustic singalong that brought the crowd together as one in a sign of togetherness... that is until 'A Town Called Malice' came on and the whole place goes apeshit like it's 1982.

I can't think of many bands up to the task of closing a day of wonderful music such as Kasabian, one of the remaining titans of British rock. Arriving onstage to the Grandstand theme tune, every male in the vicinity sings out at the top of their lungs, and opener 'Days Are Forgotten' kickstarted the carnage. They continued to roll off anthem after anthem, such as the catchy 'Underdog', rarely aired old song 'Processed Beats' and to the chants from guitarist Sergio Pizzorno of "MOSH PIT, MOSH PIT, MOSH PIT" leading into a rampant 'Club Foot'. Suddenly the concrete at the front of the crowd didn't seem like a good idea, as during an amazingly energetic 'Switchblade Smiles', this clumsy writer fell in the pit and was crushed on the concrete for a brief moment, and the wounds are still quite visible five days later. This was part of a three-pronged attack that concluded with 'Vlad The Impaler' and 'Fire'. Many attendees would agree though that the moment of the gig had to be 'LSF', that resulted in an extended crowd singalong into the encore, with half the crowd placing themselves on the shoulders of the other half.

All in all, a fantastic day, resulting in constipation, dodgy sandwiches, overpriced burgers, a grumpy Yorkshireman, and many battle scars, but most importantly, golden memories.

'Best songs ever' does not equal your favourite songs

Unless of course your favourite songs are some of the following...

It's pretty simple really, you get the odd nitwit saying when 'Starships' blares out and begins to magnetise the intoxicated to the dancefloor that it is "the best song EVER". It could be the VK's talking, but regardless, it is not the best song ever, it is your favourite song. Only certain situations require a degree of being picky with your words, but maybe this is one of those times. Even right now my Dad is suggesting that 'The Boys are Back in Town' is the best song ever, and when I counter that with disagreement, he pulls a face. For example, my favourite song, as many of you already know is 'Stockholm Syndrome' by Muse, and whilst it is an incredibly epic song, it is not the best song ever. The best songs of all time have the power to change the world whilst at the same time maintaining their integrity and not delving into pits of simplicity. They can be long or short, loud or quiet, but in most examples, they are all four. Some of my nominations are obvious, others may not be, but decide for yourself if I'm on the right lines.

Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody

Why: Erm... because it's Bohemian fucking Rhapsody, and it just about shits over anything. I have no idea what the band were dabbling in when they thought it would be a good idea to make this. The talent required for this is nothing short of mesmerising, and there's a reason that any songs considered "epic" nowadays are compared to this band, and in most examples this song. It broke the mould, it didn't have a typical structure and it still got to no.1 and stayed there for weeks!

Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah

Why: Much credit goes to Leonard Cohen for penning this wonderful piece of music, but it's Buckley's cover that is the most recognised version, fuck Alexandra Burke. You know a singer is special when he can take a song as moving as 'Hallelujah' and take you on even more of a pleasurable journey than the original. This man was a talent that was taken too young from us, and the world is poorer for having lost him.

Radiohead - Paranoid Android

Why: Known as 'the Bohemian Rhapsody of the 90's', Radiohead penned their indirect answer to Queen's operatic thundermonster, but without the opera. It also has the strangest music video of all time, albeit one of my favourites. It'll make you cry, it'll make you laugh, it'll make you mosh, it'll make you sway. Ladies and gentlemen, Radiohead.

Guns N'Roses - November Rain

Why: One does not simply refuse to air guitar to this song. Another monster of great size that displays Slash's virtuoso guitar style and proves that when Axl Rose wants to, he can sing and do it well. I don't usually rave about guitar solos, but being treated to three in this song is something that I personally savour. This was a nice and mature change given the image of the band being a bunch of no good punks, like an original Towers of London, but man oh man they pull it off with flare and style here.

Oasis - Champagne Supernova

Why: Many people are probably sick to death of 'Wonderwall' and 'Don't Look Back in Anger', and whilst they themselves are incredible tunes, this is the real gem of Oasis' back catalogue. It's not the most musically innovative song ever written, but it's a song that can bring people together in a mass singalong whether it be a festival (sadly not any more) or an indie nightclub. 'Champagne Supernova' is definitely a rival to 'Paranoid Android' for being one of the best songs of the 90's.

Queens of the Stone Age - A Song For The Dead

Why: I had to seriously consider putting this one amongst the aforementioned selections, but it has made it onto the list. If you haven't heard it, please have a listen. The heavy nature of it may detract some, but for it's complexity and the ability for drummer Dave Grohl to influence many to learn how to drum long after his stint in Nirvana, this is definitely a worthy competitor. Having said that, with every word I type in this paragraph, I question it's inclusion... well you know what, fuck it.

The gig experience

From the perspective of a fan, a gig for one of your favourite artists is a big deal. It's the only environment in which it is socially acceptable to scream and dance your way through the night. However, as much as you want to enjoy the gig in your own way, it's not necessarily that simple. You are surrounded by plenty of other fans, and whether it be a crowd of 100 or 100,000, you must respect them, unless they're completely inconsiderate ballsacks, in which case you "accidentally" place your elbow in the direction of their face.

Concert attendees must prepare for what may come their way. Having experienced gigs in venues that range from the likes of The Barfly to Wembley Stadium, I can safely trust my own opinion on how crowds will work in different situations and environments. Here are some tips on what you may come across at concerts, some bad situations and some good situations, and what to do should they arise:

1) Tolerate the support act

Everyone is bored and waiting for the main attraction, but you need to get in the mood right? I have seen some shoddy support acts in my time, but thankfully never one that has had to withstand a barrage of negative vibes thrown their way. The support band have dreamed about this for a while, and all they want to do is impress you. If you waste your beer by throwing it at them, not only have you wasted your money and now have to deal with four disgruntled indie kids onstage, but your thirst remains unquenched. Patience is a virtue, and it'll make it all the more worth it once the main act steps onstage.

2) Camera etiquette

We all want to retrieve as many memories as we can of a fantastic night of live music, but seriously, do you have to film every single song? If you are holding up a camera for the whole 2 hours of a gig then I salute your arm strength, but think of the poor souls behind you whose visions are impaired by your flailing limbs. Fair enough, take the odd photo and film your favourite song, but enjoy the gig through your own eyes once in a while. Even for me at 6'5, I struggle to see sometimes. It also disrupts the energy of the audience. Come on, they're playing a loud and jumpy rock song, where's your pogo at?!

3) Don't hate on the tall guy

I speak from the heart on this matter. I ate my vegetables and I grew tall, and now I have the ability to see a little bit more of the stage. Thankfully it's rare I come across people who get really aggro about me standing in front of them, but I will always offer them the chance to go in front. I remember one gig back in 2007 at The Carling Academy in Birmingham, I was standing near the front and during the support act there was plenty of alcohol chucked towards the stage (mostly because it was Lethal Bizzle and he was supporting The Enemy), however I took the brunt of it and ended up being soaked in what I hoped was beer. The long and short of it is don't hate the tall guy in the crowd because he is tall. If he has a kind bone in his body he'll move for you, but if he doesn't, don't hate him because he's tall, hate him because he's a prick.

4) If you can't hack the pushing and shoving, don't stand near the front

I've stood relatively near the front for many gigs; I go there to jump about and dance. There are some people though who bitch and moan when they can't keep up with the movement; they're only near the front because "OMG I'm so close to Jared Leto and I can't wait to tell my chums that he is about 20 feet from me". Look you lippy bitch, if you can't handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen, it wouldn't make a difference to your life were you 20 ft or 40 ft from Gerard Way. Don't shout at me to stop falling into you when I have the force of about 5,000 Kasabian fans pushing from one side to the other. Also, don't moan because a crowd surfer landed on you; God you suck so much.

5) Moshpits

I saw Lostprophets (I wept as I typed that) back in 2009, and a big moshpit had opened up from the front. Now, in relation to point number 4, if you don't like the energy of the crowd, stay at the back or to the sides. When a circle pit opens up and people start running, don't clench your fist and hold out your arm on the edge of the pit in a bid to clothesline anyone who comes within four feet of you. This happened at that gig courtesy of a man who looked like he was in his 40's with the kind of face that only a mother could love. I understand that people don't want to get hurt, but the point of moshpits is not to get hurt, it's to let out energy; if someone falls, you pick them up. Pits do more good than you think: imagine people bashing you from side to side in a really tight and confined space, you wouldn't want that would you? That's why the moshpit exists, and you must learn to appreciate it. It is a place of camaraderie and a community that has 'gaining some battle wounds' high on its agenda. 

2012: the year was better than the film

I've had some great years in my lifetime, but this topples them all... I think. Let me quickly run through why, through the medium of awards.

Sports

This category accounts not just for the obvious, but for my personal sporting life. At University, it was my humble duty to report for footballing services in the DIGS league. Having being snapped up by newcomers Aberzaijan, the 3rd years took me under their wings and along with my fellow freshers and some 2nd years, I've had a blast on and off the pitch, scoring on both turfs (WHEYO). Onto the serious stuff, London 2012. Sadly my ability to cover all of the Olympics was hindered by my summer job, but I was still able to catch many key moments, and with updates flying around the office, I was kept reasonably up to date. This year more than any has made me proud to be British, with the unity of the country coming together through smiles and cheers, and the Team GB athletes of the Olympic and Paralympic games could not have done us more proud. Another moment that meant a lot to me was Andy Murray winning the US Open, gaining him his first major trophy as a tennis player. Supporting him all the way from Salou for his Wimbledon final was special too, and it's a shame he didn't win that match with Federer. Unfortunately for my local football club Wolverhampton Wanderers it has been a dire year, absolutely dreadful. As if being relegated from the Premier League wasn't bad enough, if we don't pull ourselves together it could happen again in the Championship, but that is the pessimist in me, we'll be fine. Along with the rollercoaster ride of Euro 2012 for England, football has been near the bottom and at the very top of my list of moments of 2012.

Moment of the year: This award goes to Sergio Aguero for his goal on May 13th, in the 95th minute, and the Etihad Stadium erupts like Vesuvius, and Manchester City, a team I don't even support, win the Premier League title. That whole game was just... absolutely incredible. If the last day of the 2013 season is even half as dramatic as the one this year, then I think most of us will be happy. Watch that special moment again here.

Music

While the first half of 2012 was relatively quiet for me following music, the second half of the year was certainly eventful, with gigs and albums aplenty. Whilst the summer had me tracking the progress of Muse's upcoming album 'The 2nd Law', and autumn had me basking in it's glory along with a gig from said band, plus gigs from Lostprophets (...a moment of silence for them) and Feeder. With my obvious joy at a new release from my favourite band, their gig at the LG Arena lived up to the hype, and was easily one of the best gigs I've seen from them. Next year I can look forward to seeing them again, this time at the Etihad Stadium in Manchester straight after my exams. Albums from Pulled Apart By Horses and Green Day also particularly caught my attention, with albums from Biffy Clyro, Queens of the Stone Age and The Prodigy to look forward to in the upcoming 2013.

Moment of the year: This award goes to Leeds Festival and the people I shared one of the best weekends ever with, and they are as follows:

- Oliver Butler

- Danny Curtis

- Jack Griffin

- Reece Jacques

- Luke Nicholson

- James Potts

Shout outs also go to the following bands for putting on stellar performances and making that weekend ten times better than V Festival could possibly have been this year:

- Foo Fighters

- Kasabian

- Pulled Apart By Horses

- Enter Shikari

- Foster The People

- The Hives

- Twin Atlantic

- The Black Keys

University

Only being able to include the second and third semesters of my life as a Fresher, plus my first semester as a Sophomore, I think I can still safely say that my decision to come to Aberystwyth University has been a fruitful one. Adapting to life was not difficult at all, with a friendly community and a GODDAMN BEACH being part of the Aberystwyth service, it's no wonder it is regarded highly as a University not just for research and teaching, but crucially for experience. Living in the student village on campus as a Fresher allowed me to make friends quickly, with all of my housemates in PJM sharing different interests with me, and still to this day, House 39 rules. Spending drunken nights out at the Union became a formality, and when I was mature enough to realise that the Union had run its course, I moved onto the big leagues: town, and the delights of Yokos and Pier Pressure, partying regularly with my housemates, The Biz and Aberzaijan. Moving into 2nd year, and life got even better, living in town and hanging out with the Biology Society I have made some great friends that I will be sad to see go when we all eventually move on from Aberystwyth and we are no longer just a stones throw away from each other. As much as I love coming home every now and then, as I type this right now I do miss University and all it has to offer, and the following semesters are ones I look forward to very much.

Moment of the year: This award goes to House 39 for providing countless moments of hilarity, so I guess the award is 'Moments of the year' you pedantic reader.

Shout outs also go to:

- Cwrt Mawr Bar for hosting many fun days out, including the intense Six Nations match between Wales and England, which provided a whirlwind of emotions and strong signs of togetherness

- Yokos for being worse than Mainers

- Penglais Hill for giving me a challenge

- Bierkeller for being the best thing the Union will ever do

- Whoever invented pub golf

THAT JUST ABOUT BRIEFLY SUMS UP WHAT HAS BEEN ONE OF THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE, SO TO EVERYONE WHO TOOK THE TIME TO READ THIS BLOG THROUGHOUT THE YEAR, I THANK YOU.

HERE'S TO 2013!

Dubstep

"You can't put a man in a room with no sub woofers" - Mala

Dubstep: starts clean like a spotless virgin and finishes like a filthy sixty year old whore on a muddy street. In popular music, it's the sort of dirt that sticks and isn't very noticeable at first, but then it develops on the skin and leaves a mouldy scab.

I'll just cut to the chase. I will admit that in the past I have often maligned dubstep and it's ever growing culture and following. In my days of musical snobbery it was impossible for anything to be good in my opinion unless it came out of a classic instrument and not computer software, but I have definitely realised the error of my ways. Having said that, some of my favourite acts have based their sound on mostly electronic music, such as The Prodigy and Enter Shikari, so I have still found time for it. The problem I initially had with the popular breakthrough of dubstep was that I felt a lot of the music was incredibly repetitive. The same drumbeat is used in every single song, but that's just how the tempo of dubstep works, and I guess that works for some people. It definitely got me dancing, which is what it set out to do, but at other times I just felt like cringing at the other sounds coming from the speakers. Take the synths, most of which sounded like 8-bit Super Mario - that really didn't interest me.

As for writing the music, it is a whole other ball game. When I'm playing guitar, I will change the songs I play depending on my mood. If I'm a happy bunny, I'll gladly play along to Green Day or Blink-182, if I'm sad I can relate more to the music of Radiohead and solemnly strum along to 'Street Spirit', or if I need to let out some angry energy then I'll play along to Rage Against The Machine and break some guitar strings. When it comes to writing songs, the emotions of the writer will shine through on their voice or instruments. Chances are if a songwriter is sad, they will start a song with some minor chords and let out their emotions. With dubstep or other computer related instruments I don't see how emotion can be expressed through the computer software. I respect that it is simply not a matter of pushing a few buttons, it is a lot more complex than that, but I don't get a sense of how dubstep artists can hold personal feelings towards certain songs like other artists do. Well, I decided I needed another perspective, so I messaged a couple of people (whose identities I will conceal for the sake of their dignity) on Facebook who I know have a talent for writing mixes on their computer. I asked them if they felt that creating dubstep on a computer can convey emotions well. The answers I got certainly varied, from one saying that it is difficult to do it when most DJs use major chords and usually don't sing lyrics, therefore unable to convey any real feelings, and from another, I got the following:

"Let's say you're on a date and the lady is coming, you've been seeing her for a while and she's stonking. You want her babies, hard. So you want to cook the best thing you can think of with the best ingredients and the finest spices. It needs to taste the best as you want to impress the best. When you stick a mix together, the notion is somewhat the same. The recipe is the music you hand pick, test, love. The woman on the other hand is a mistress. It's the one thing you understand, and the one thing that understands you. You want to show how much you love it, by dressing it in class, style and emotion."

Hmm... interesting interpretation to say the least; sexy too.

Now that dubstep has made it's way onto the charts, it has hit the mainstream with a vicious blow. Twitter exploded on Saturday 10th November when X Factor contestant James Arthur dropped a chorus of dubstep in his version of 'Hometown Glory' by Adele. It was all the talk again, and being a fan of that song in general, I thought I should check out what James had done to it. When a clip surfaced online, I have to say I was mightily impressed. Not only was James a great singer, but the dubstep tinge on what is a moving piano anthem was a fantastic twist. Then the judges have their say...

Louis: "Blah blah blah you're the next big thing blah blah blah pick up the phones and give me money"

Tulisa: "I'm not sure if you've seen my festival shows but I love a bit of dubstep"

Aaaaaand there we go, the reputation of dubstep is ruined once again, when it is overused by a shitstorm like Tulisa.

I do like the genre, I'm a fan of artists who have utilised dubstep in many songs like Skrillex, Deadmau5, Nero and Chase & Status, but I am aware that the underground fanbase aren't too pleased with how mainstream it is becoming, and when it is used by artists like Tulisa, and even hints of it in the new Little Mix single 'DNA', those underground fans must want to jump off a bridge, because it is frankly starting to take the piss. Once Bieber drops a fat dubstep beat on his next album with Lil Wayne and Drake rapping alongside, I expect an angry mob of millions who are cleaning their carbines and dusting off their machetes, and I pray to Thor that the situation never arises.

Muse - The 2nd Law

Ok come on, you all knew that I had to have my say on this. 

The release of a new Muse record is required to split the opinions of music lovers around the world. In one corner we have the fans, which include the obsessive ERMAHGERD fanboys and girls, the new fans who heard 'Madness' on the radio and are of the opinion that Muse produce electropop instead of mind-blowing boundary-pushing rock music, and the old school fans who still adorn their 'Showbiz' posters in their bedroom and play 'Origin of Symmetry' on repeat, constantly moaning on the Muse Messageboard with whines like "this song sounds nothing like 'Hyper Music', 'Citizen Erased' or 'Bliss'. Impeach Bellamy!". And in the other corner we have the haters of the band who for a variety of reasons aren't rejoicing at the news, whether it's because Matt Bellamy's voice cuts right through them, the music is illegally too similar to the very artists it is influenced by, or maybe they think that Drake is a musical genius and they make fake accounts of One Direction and Olly Riley on Twitter.

Here I am about to go track by track on this bitch. Hold tight:

1. Supremacy - A cracking opener to the album. This is Muse at their finest, with metal riffs and a sweeping orchestra in the backdrop, it's a staple Muse sound, and wouldn't feel out of place on 'Absolution'. It's the song that James Bond would kick ass to and make love to a woman to at the same time. Compare this to the previous album opener 'Uprising' and it's a no-brainer; Supremacy and it's fancy schmancy moves will defeat it with aplomb. The best introduction to a Muse album since 'New Born'. 8/10

2. Madness - Seriously Muse, I know you like to do diversity, but why oh why did you release this as one of the singles? Giving a completely different and unfair perception of Muse from what people are used to, they suddenly strip naked and play about as minimal as they can get. Until over 3 minutes in that is when the song really picks up with it's electropop sound. Bellamy's vocals are stirringly beautiful and heartfelt, but a recurring problem which continues throughout the album is present: the plagiarism police discover that it sounds like 'I Want To Break Free' as soon as the guitar hits it's solo. Nonetheless, a good song but one of the weakest on the album. 6/10

3. Panic Station - What the funk? Step aside James Brown, here comes the hip-thrusting sexy Muse that we discovered when they released 'Supermassive Black Hole' 6 years ago. Yes the beat is a shoutout to 'Another One Bites The Dust', and the vocals scream of 'Thriller', but it is still distinctive enough to be Muse. The brass section really brightens up the sound, and the lead guitar compliments it nicely especially with the Hysteria-esque riff and melodic solo. When this is released as the next single, it will surely be played on indie club dancefloors everywhere. The product of a one night stand Alex Kapranos had with Freddie Mercury. 7/10

4. Prelude - Beautiful and brief instrumental introduction to 'Survival' that echoes of the 'Exogenesis' symphony. Leads nicely into the former, but doesn't really need rating.

5. Survival -  To say this song is viciously dry-humping Queen would be to say the words of truth, with elements of Brian May's solos and Freddie Mercury's vocals a constant throughout. Comparisons with Queen continue as the operatic choir vocals carry their soprano tones throughout the second verse. A bass-heavy verse climaxes in a maniacal Rage Against The Machine riff-fest. I am literally drooling at this point - I have not wanted to headbang and/or fistpump this much since I heard the ending to 'Stockholm Syndrome'. Guitar orgasms aside though, these lyrics are atrocious. I mean it, they're shite. Bellamy, who is a talented songwriter and lyricist, I expected to do better. Did he give a piece of paper to his baby boy and let him write it? Nonetheless, this is a fucking awesome song and when played live it is going to kick many asses, and since hearing it when it was released for the Olympics, it has grown on me like a beard. 8/10

6. Follow Me - Muse have heard of Nero! Nero's input on this track is as clear as a sky with no clouds. It surely stands out as a track you think Muse didn't write the music to, but with this they wrote it as a three-piece rock band, and asked Nero to re-record the music electronically. A song about Bellamy's fatherhood (even featuring the heartbeat of his baby boy at the beginning of the piece), it is an ode to responsibility for another human being, and counts as another genre poignantly touched by Muse. Definitely won't be skipping this, it's like epic electronica with a hint of 'Where The Streets Have No Name' at the climax. 8/10

7. Animals - My word... what a song. Hold on, is that a Fender I hear? By the beard of Darwin it is. This all shapes up perfectly in what is a throwback to Muse's early days, and shows us that they can still make three-piece music without the aid of backing musicians. A political offering inspired by fatcat Wall Street bankers, it sounds like 'Paranoid Android' initially, until the volume hits 11 and the riff at the end screams of their heroes Rage Against The Machine, in some way resembling the riff from Muse rarity 'Fury'. A perfect mix of light melody and girth. 9/10 

8. Explorers - Am I listening to 'The 2nd Law' or is this the soundtrack to the latest Disney musical? Certainly a genre not exactly touched by Muse in the past, it has a soothing musical tone as Bellamy takes to the piano for one of the only times on this album. It's the sort of song you'd ballroom dance to (Strictly Come Muse anyone?). Not to detract from the tender music, the lyrics deal with dying crops and abused nature, which have been inspired by Matt Bellamy's concerns of business monopolies and industrial greed. This is the lullaby of the album, backed up by the lyrics "Go to sleep" at the end whispered oh so gently. I was looking forward to hearing this song based on the song descriptions prior to release, but sadly I expected it to be a bit more epic, not to say that it still isn't a good song; more could have been done in 5:48. 7/10

9. Big Freeze - Or 'Big Cheese' depending on your opinion. There has been much internet speculation about this song being the follow up to 'Guiding Light', the cheesiest song Muse ever recorded, a subject that gets Muse fanatics all touchy. Described as "80's rock, a stadium stomper", the interpretations screamed of 'Guiding Light', but on the first few listens, it was stadium alright, because it was essentially U2 featuring Matt Bellamy on vocals. The guitar effects and rhythm section were surely influenced by the supreme musical overlords of Ireland, and that is about as cheesy as it got, depending on your definition of cheesy. Not a standout track, but it is a grower, especially the chorus and the trademark Bellamy solo which saved it from a gentle panning by this critic. 7/10

10. Save Me - For those of you who are not fans of Muse because Bellamy's humongous falsetto voice and irritating inhalation patterns cause you to cringe so hard the throbbing vein in your forehead pops, then maybe this is a song for you. Written and sung by often overlooked bassist Chris Wolstenholme about his dependency on alcohol and his loving family, he emulates his heroes The Beach Boys in some style. A song will always be performed better if it is sung from the heart, and this song could prove to be an emotional rollercoaster for Wolstenholme, with sweet lyrics and music to make grown men cry. This is essentially what I'd like to call an atmospheric ballad that keeps on building, but maybe is a minute too long, but hey, it's still nothing short of mesmerising. 7/10

11. Liquid State - Ah Muse, I always knew that Chris was the one who loved to rock out the most. The second and final song written and sung by Wolstenholme, this is easily the heaviest song on 'The 2nd Law'. It showcases the violent side of Chris' alcohol addiction, with the vocals sounding like a cross between Rob Swire from Pendulum and Dave Grohl, but with music as heavy as a tour bus. A crushing detuned riff from Bellamy gives way to pounding drums from Dominic Howard and a pulsating bassline from Wolstenholme, and when the chorus kicks in with the lyrics "Warm my heart tonight", the heavy music doesn't ask that, it demands it. This is one for the moshpit, Muse go metal, but maybe the minute that was too long on 'Save Me' could've been lent to this song instead. 8/10

12. The 2nd Law: Unsustainable - The song that made it onto the Internet as a preview for the new album, it certainly got people talking; "Muse have gone dubstep!" they said. It was a frightening prospect for fans who yearned for three-piece rock. A nervous wait for the album ensued, and while the band laughed off the reaction from fans moaning about the brostep direction, they talked about how this one song was influenced by Skrillex, and noted how this song was played on guitar, bass and drums but laden with effects from their pedals. Beginning with a doom-opera vibe and a news reporter noting about how resources are depleting at a rapid rate, and suddenly "an economy based on endless growth is [robot voice] UNSUSTAINABLE". Then it drops, and Muse deliver their take on modern dubstep. Followed by a majestic bridge with a tempo to headbang to, Bellamy delivers probably my favourite vocal performance on 'The 2nd Law' as he just wails and wails like he used to. It climaxes with another dubstep section, and listeners are left baffled. This is one song I cannot wait to see played live, simply because of the carnage it will cause. 7/10

13. The 2nd Law: Isolated System - An instrumental closing to the album which is laden with clips of news reporters and ending with a loop of the woman from the previous track saying "In an isolated system, the entropy can only increase". With Exorcist-esque piano and a trance beat that wouldn't sound out of place on Radiohead's 'Kid A', it is the perfect way to end such an album, and Muse always deliver on album closers. It's as emotional and atmospheric as Muse songs get, and would be a suitable soundtrack to the demise of a planet, or someone rising to heaven. I can expect this being the soundtrack to a BBC show at some point, maybe Doctor Who. When played live this would work well with visuals, and I look forward to seeing how that turns out. 8/10

And there you have it. If you read all the way to what you're reading right now, I applaud you. To conclude, this album will please many fans and discourage others like any other album, but with such a mix of genres there is something for everyone, from musical lovers to metalheads. My only burning issue with this album is how it flows. Tracks don't fit together next to each other, for example 'Unsustainable' could maybe have opened the album, although it would be difficult to replace a song as wonderful as 'Supremacy', and I wouldn't say 'Madness' fits well next to 'Supremacy'.
Overall, this album is definitely an improvement on last effort 'The Resistance' (a good album, but for Muse they could've done better), and I recommend you purchase it when it is released Monday 1st October. If you want to listen to a perfectly legal album stream, click here.

Rating: 7/10